I get in now/If I didn’t before

6 May

Something interesting happened to me. I put myself in a situation that I wasn’t too pleased with..My Blinders couldn’t help me in this one..

Before I got into this situation I said….”girl…don’t do it”…and I listened to myself the first time…but the second time around I said “why not it won’t be so bad”…and I went ahead with the thought in the back of my mind you shouldn’t have….and of course I proved myself right…

It wasn’t a detrimental situation…what I did was put myself in a situation that wasn’t healthy….and not only was it not healthy…I knew and had past experiences that proved to me that the way I feel after is not worth doing this to myself…

And you know what I’m to blame…I’m almost convinced that when I put myself in this particular situation I get sick after….my head hurts…I doubt myself….I don’t feel good about myself…I feel sucked in..many are probably wondering what this is…and you know what that’s not important, whats important is that I now could associate this feeling with this particular situation and surroundings…

Example…its like every time you see your favorite play, listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite movie or see your favorite person… you get a good feeling, you leave feeling inspired..you want to do so much…well in this case…its being in a particular surrounding that makes my stomach turn…my head hurts I get tensed up…and I need to lay down…I felt like I spent two days trying to recover from this experience…..maybe there is an underlying issue I don’t know but never again will I do this to myself….I thought I learned before, but this time…I felt worse than I ever did in the past….I don’t like that feeling and don’t appreciate having to backtrack and pull myself out of hole because I choose not to pay attention to my instincts…

So all in all…sometimes we have to really learn the hard way…to actually get it…I like to think not…but just maybe…I know I did…


4 Responses to “I get in now/If I didn’t before”

  1. chrissy May 6, 2009 at 2:47 pm #

    oh yes!
    do i ever know what you are talking about!
    your message could not have come at a better time………..

    especially with people we shouldn’t be hanging out with..AT ALL…simply wrong combinations.

    thank you!


    • kayannward May 8, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

      Yes indeed…:-)

  2. Miruna May 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm #

    Well, I’m going through something similar right now, not with myself but with a very close friend who’s been sick her whole life and put on really strong medication for many years,to help her with the pain, medication that she’s having a really hard time quitting. I don’t know how to help her. Her life is falling apart around her and I am really worried about her. I know as a friend you can only do so much,but I can’t stop wondering if there’s something more I can do..Any suggestions are welcomed

    • kayannward May 8, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

      Hey….the fact that your concerned enough about her and want to help her is great…The best suggestions is to have someone who is experienced in this matter to help her…This is a matter out of my reach…so a qualified doctor is the best option…

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